If beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so is deviance in the eyes of the beholder or evaluator. Freud considered sex to be the dominant driving force that underlies human existence. If he was wrong, he wasn’t far from the mark.
You might decide to perform an informal study of sexuality by asking people questions about their sexual experiences and sexual fantasies. The problem with you performing that type of study would be that the participants in your study are very likely to lie to you. They want to appear normal and anything that they believe you might perceive to be abnormal or perverted or deviant, will not be a part of their answers.
That’s not only a problem for you, in your informal study, but is a problem for professionals in their very formal studies. Professionals are put in the position of determining that which is normal and that which is not. Their opinions will vary over time. Remember it was not very long ago that homosexuality was considered a mental illness and many individuals underwent therapy in an attempt to make them “normal.”
Today, no mental health professional considers homosexuality to be a mental illness. If mental health professionals were proven to be so wrong about homosexuality, how wrong might they be about that which they deem to be perverted or deviant?
The real question here is are you harming yourself or anyone else by your behaviors? If the answer is no, you are not hurting yourself and the answer is no, I am certainly not hurting others then few trained professionals would consider you to have any problem of any sort.
Not you or anyone else undergoes training to learn what will be sexually arousing. As a young child we will find nothing to be sexually arousing (or at least seemingly so). With the passage of time we will begin to find certain things to be sexually arousing. We never learned which things would be appropriate or even desirable. It just happened to us. As long as those arousing things or stimuli are not harming ourselves or others then almost all therapists and theorists, would consider there to be no problem.
Counseling would help almost anyone. If that statement is true and I can assure you it is, then counseling would help you to understand your feelings and to accept them. It is very unlikely to help you change that which you currently feel to be sexually arousing.
I hope I have provided a little insight into your concerns. I can provide you some information but I cannot perform therapy over the Internet. However, there are plenty of therapists within a few miles of your current location, who can. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle