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Why Do I Obsess about Older Women?

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From the Phillippines: Well for over the years ive been obssesing with people and all of them were women, an older women, since i was a young teen. I dont know why i get obssesed with them maybe because i see them as a mother figure. Some of them took me years to finally get over it and others only just a short period of time. I admit it gave me hard times obaaesing these ladies. But this lady im currently obssesed with is much different from my pervious ones. And ive been obssesing her for already three months now and it really cause me an enormous distress and distractions.

And now my anxiety and depression have worsen. I felt like i was losing control and fear that i might lose my mind. My obssesive and intrusive thoughts of her just wont go. They are like restless beast in my head they never seem to go away. There were many times i was very suicidal because i really cant cope anymore. I just wanted the thoughts to stop. But i realized i just cant end my life just because i cant rid my thoughts and obssesion over a dead person, yeah you read it right, shes long dead. But i was really hook to her, her life amd story.

And yeah she wasnt just a long dead lady but for me she was the most beautiful girl who have ever walked over on this earth. She was one hell famous icon. But most of all i admire her most a mum. It was only early this year i knew that shes been dead for decades now. It was such a shame she died so young. Ughhh i dont know but im really into her. Cant get enough of her. Cant get her out of my mind. I think of her in every possible way. Those previous ladies i used to obssesed with i find them as a mother figure, though i know some of them personally and others not. But this current one was like an ideal mother figure to me like shes the mum i never had.

I shouldnt be feeling this way because for me its inappropriate and i feel so ashamed about it but this is really how i feel. Often times i wonder why i feel the way i do. But i often wonder most why i have this unhealthy obssesion from these ladies. I mean i have nothing to do with their lives and vice versa. Its an unanswerable question to myself for so loobsessionsng years.

I never confided this to anyone because i feel so ashamed. I just kept this for myself for so long. Well i have this not-so-sure reason maybe because im obssesing these ladies way too hard because i have a toxic mum though i lover her, really. I long for affection and better nurturing. But for me i know this is not just the case. Because i believe it really has always something to do with my mental health, though part of me knows im mentally unstable. I just wanna find out what really is wrong with me or what mental illnes i do have so that i may know where all of this obssesions are coming from. In that way i can be more at ease. Thank you for your response in advance and sorry for the long message

Why Do I Obsess about Older Women?

Answered by on -


I’m sorry you have been suffering so long. It’s long past time for you to get some help.

Obsessions like you describe are part of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) spectrum. Yes, it’s possible to have obsessions without compensatory compulsions. Some people, like yourself, have repetitive, intrusive, unwanted thoughts but do not find relief by engaging in a particular behavior in an effort to make it go away.

Obsessions can dominate someone’s life. Even when a person knows they are irrational, obsessions usually don’t go away. They often feel impossible to control. In fact, trying to control them may even make them worse.

You already have some guesses about what may have triggered the content of your particular obsession. Wishing for a more nurturing mother, you started fantasizing about women who might fulfill that role. Then, somehow, the harmless wishing transformed into an all consuming obsession.

But, as you’ve found, having an idea of the cause doesn’t get rid of the problem. For that you need to see a mental health professional for some treatment. Cognitive-behavioral therapy has been found to be very helpful. Some medication may also help relieve your symptoms. People usually respond very well to focused treatment. I hope you will do yourself the kindness of making an appointment to start working on the skills that will give you relief.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Why Do I Obsess about Older Women?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Why Do I Obsess about Older Women?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 5, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 5 Oct 2018 (Originally: 7 Oct 2018)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 5 Oct 2018
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