Thank you for sending in your email. It takes courage to begin addressing such important and difficult issues. Although your mother wasn’t able to help when you were being abused she became an emotional lifeboat when your father died. Your insight about your “…early experiences of my attachment to my mother and my hatred for my father influence my jealousy and lack of trust for women and at the same time my need for intense attachment to women…” is right on target.
There is a whole field of attachment psychology that has researched such matters and good therapists will be proficient in helping you unravel these mysteries. Here is an article about attachment from Psych Central’s Sharon Martin — and the ‘find help’ tab at the top of the page will help you find therapists in your area who can help.
Learning about how to unlock the chains of the past so you can have a more fulfilling relationship now is something the therapist you work with can help you through.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral