I have battled with my idiosyncrasies since I was a little girl. I always thought I was merely particular, maybe slightly obsessive. However, after having a child my “sensitivities” if you will, have become markedly more intense. My skin has always been hypersensitive. In fact, I cut my hair multiple times, not bc I’m Daring as I let people believe, but because the individual hairs touching my skin drive me up a wall. Almost to the point of anger. Certain sounds make me want to curl up in a ball or scream. I don’t want this sort of thing influencing the way my child learns to cope with emotions. I have certain ways every little thing needs to be done and I feel like the world is ending when those systems are disrupted. A way of organizing the cabinets, a way of organizing the fridge, a way to load the dishwasher. I have panic attacks when I think about all of the things that are out of order while having a child and it exhausts me. I am severely socially apprehensive although I can mask it. I grew up with many siblings in a very abusive household and had to develop qualities that could help me protect my siblings and form lifelines outside of our home. I struggle every day to leave the house and go to a noisy bar and talk to people all night.
I guess I said all of that to say this: Could I be on the autism/Asperger spectrum, or is this even something I should explore further? Something is off, I know it I’m just struggling with finding a person to see about it. The thought makes me want to hide in a closet.lol