From a teenaged young woman in the U.S.: Hello there, I am in need of advice.
So recently there has been a feeling of uneasiness regarding my family. I don’t know if I am being paranoid or overly dramatic but i can’t stop thinking about it. Recently I feel like my family doesn’t love me which is so weird but I can’t help but feel it. I feel like I’m useless and just get in the way.
I have no job yet, I have an upcoming interview. I complete all of my chores and what not. My parents are very tired and my dad is very moody lately. Every time he comes home from work he seems very irritable and starts scolding us and sometimes yells and cusses at my siblings and I. I do all my chores before he gets home and he almost always finds my brother and I playing games and gets extremely angry. When there’s a problem I try finding a solution and talking to him but he tells me to not talk back at him, which I’m not, I’m only trying to help. He gets this crazed look in his eyes.
I sometimes feel very unsafe with him because he has a bad temper and I hate myself for feeling that because I know my dad loves me it’s just hard when he gets very angry.
Another issue I have is with my sister. Recently we’ve been fighting a lot and she always blames me for it even though she’s at fault too in certain situations. I honestly feel like she does not love me. Every time I try hugging her she cringes back and she tells my I’m annoying, loud and useless. She’s my sister and I love her and I thought we had a great bond. She and my parents always blame me for things that I have not done, they always assume it was my fault but in reality it is not.
There was one time where I hated my sister so much because she allowed her boyfriend to hit my behind and she said nothing. I was too shocked he even did that. I felt betrayed that she didn’t yell at him for inappropriately touching me. Later on he apologized but from then on I was uncomfortable and awkward with him and yet he would still be inappropriate. For example, using innuendo a lot and sending me very inappropriate emojis. I never forgave him or my sister for that. I dislike them. He would also annoy me a lot by being very childish and immature and when I try to defend myself my sister and parents would get mad at me and force me to apologize to him. I’m just lost right now and I need guidance on what to do and how to be better.Am I Being Paranoid?
Am I Being Paranoid?
It sounds to me like you are living in an emotional pressure cooker and everyone in the family is reacting to it. Not knowing how to make things better, people have started to blame each other. The problem with that strategy is that even if it were possible to establish who is to blame in every situation, the root of the problem is still there.
You said that your parents are tired an irritable and that your father is moody and easily triggered into anger. It makes me wonder what kind of stress they are under. They may have been “protecting” you from their stress by not talking about it. But they may not understand that that kind of “protection” can backfire. Their stress is leaking out all over the place.
Rather than interpret their behavior as a lack of love, it might be more useful to ask them what’s going on. Be careful to not sound like you are accusing them. You will be more successful if you come at it with curiosity and a willingness to help. There may be nothing you can do about whatever it is, but at least you will know that their behavior isn’t really about you. It’s even possible that your parents are underestimating you and that there are ways you can help.
As for your sister’s boyfriend, of course you don’t like him. He sounds immature and insecure. For now, it seems that your sister is willing to accept his unacceptable behavior in order to keep the relationship. Like you, she is looking for love. I hope she finds someone more worthy of her. In the meantime, my best advice to you is to be polite but avoid him as much as possible.
I wish you well.