My mother always comments on my appearance or tries to quickly fix small things about how I look– like hair or clothing– even though I constantly ask her not to, and now I hate receiving compliments from her. She also constantly asks what I’m doing on my phone or laptop and accuses me of doing things I’m not supposed to if I say no. At one point, maybe a year or so ago, I accused her of putting spyware on my phone and she didn’t say no and, if asked, would describe small parts or features of it, albeit hesitantly. When I came out to her she said sexuality fluid and, brought up again later, said I “decided” to be this way and wouldn’t elaborate, and hasn’t brought it up again. I brought up her toxic behaviors to her and she got really angry at me and assigned me chores to do because of it. My brother, who is 18, constantly belittles and yells at me for minuscule things, like not doing a favor for him, and will call me a crybaby if I cry. My mom has stopped trying to stop or punish him and hasn’t for a long time now. I don’t like coming out of my room when either of them are home because it usually always ends up in an argument and I desperately want to get away, but I don’t want to stay with anyone else as I always feel awkward and out of place near other people like family or friends.
I am sorry your mother is so intrusive and not understanding — and your brother is belittling. I recommend you contact the woman’s center nearby and ask them for help. These services are geared for young woman your age and can help.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Mother May Be Abusive. Psych Central.
Retrieved on July 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/09/17/mother-may-be-abusive/
Last updated: 15 Sep 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 15 Sep 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.