My main issue is with my brother. I hate him. A few months ago, I would’ve never used these words to describe a feeling. I forgot how it felt to hate someone – but now I remember and I want him to leave or die. He bothers me so much. My mom doesn’t do anything to stop his behavior. She may say something to him but never reinforce it. She is so co-dependent and angers me A LOT. She told me I needed to defend myself if he ever says something mean, something I dislike, offensive or does something to get on my nerves. He is 20 years old and drugs screwed him up. I can’t talk anymore. I can’t say anything. I can’t give more information. I feel like nothing inside. I’ve been but nice until day after day he’d cross my boundaries, keep awake at night to bother me, not wash his hands after he shits and threaten to touch my things. I don’t want him near me anymore. I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want him to breathe near me and if anything, he would be better off dead. No one cares. No one does or says anything that helps. I am so angry. I feel like I can’t talk, – there’s too much going on and I can’t explain everything because everything bothers me so much. He bothers me so much. He does things he shouldn’t be doing. Why can’t I get away with things he was told not to do – does them anyway and gets a free pass? I’m tired when people yell at me. Instead of telling me how to do things, what to wear, what to say, how to feel – actually help. No one recognizes their wrongdoing, it seems. I know I could be more positive and I have been – but now I can’t. I’m stuck with a friend which keeps trying to remind me why people act like what – INSTEAD of just listening. I didn’t say anything before because I feel so un-entitled to things. I know I can’t control. I’m so angry and tired of being reminded these things ALL the time – because I know. Constantly being reminded just makes me feel dumb and worthless and unlovable. I know my close ones are trained professionals, but… (From Canada)Sibling Rivalry vs. Abuse
You need help from outside the family. I would strongly encourage you to contact this organization as the situation with your brother and mother isn’t good for you to try and deal with alone. They can help you find someone close to you– and they can help you find ways to cope. These folks know these types of situations and are there to help.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral