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Sibling Rivalry vs. Abuse

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My main issue is with my brother. I hate him. A few months ago, I would’ve never used these words to describe a feeling. I forgot how it felt to hate someone – but now I remember and I want him to leave or die. He bothers me so much. My mom doesn’t do anything to stop his behavior. She may say something to him but never reinforce it. She is so co-dependent and angers me A LOT. She told me I needed to defend myself if he ever says something mean, something I dislike, offensive or does something to get on my nerves. He is 20 years old and drugs screwed him up. I can’t talk anymore. I can’t say anything. I can’t give more information. I feel like nothing inside. I’ve been but nice until day after day he’d cross my boundaries, keep awake at night to bother me, not wash his hands after he shits and threaten to touch my things. I don’t want him near me anymore. I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want him to breathe near me and if anything, he would be better off dead. No one cares. No one does or says anything that helps. I am so angry. I feel like I can’t talk, – there’s too much going on and I can’t explain everything because everything bothers me so much. He bothers me so much. He does things he shouldn’t be doing. Why can’t I get away with things he was told not to do – does them anyway and gets a free pass? I’m tired when people yell at me. Instead of telling me how to do things, what to wear, what to say, how to feel – actually help. No one recognizes their wrongdoing, it seems. I know I could be more positive and I have been – but now I can’t. I’m stuck with a friend which keeps trying to remind me why people act like what – INSTEAD of just listening. I didn’t say anything before because I feel so un-entitled to things. I know I can’t control. I’m so angry and tired of being reminded these things ALL the time – because I know. Constantly being reminded just makes me feel dumb and worthless and unlovable. I know my close ones are trained professionals, but… (From Canada)

Sibling Rivalry vs. Abuse

Answered by on -


You need help from outside the family. I would strongly encourage you to contact this organization as the situation with your brother and mother isn’t good for you to try and deal with alone. They can help you find someone close to you– and they can help you find ways to cope. These folks know these types of situations and are there to help.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Sibling Rivalry vs. Abuse

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Sibling Rivalry vs. Abuse. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 1, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 7 Sep 2018 (Originally: 7 Sep 2018)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 7 Sep 2018
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