Oh my. I’m so, so sorry you feel this way. The ray of hope in it is that you do have some close friends. But it is difficult to be a friend or to trust friends when it feels like nothing is going right. You are not alone in your feelings. Many teens experience much of what you are going through. What concerns me is that your feelings have become so intense.
I know it will be difficult to do but I really, really think you need to talk to an adult who can help you get the therapy i think you need. If your school has a counselor, please make a visit. If not, think about talking with a teacher you trust. If talking to someone seems too hard, take your letter with you as a way to do it.
Often parents are more likely to listen to another adult than to their own teen. It’s extremely painful for parents to see their kids in emotional pain. Often they want to believe it’s just a stage a kid is going through. If they feel helpless about how to help, they may get into denial about the seriousness of the problem. I never blame them for that. But most parents do come around once they understand that their kid is in serious emotional trouble and that there are ways they can help.
You need and deserve therapy to help you through this difficult time in your life. You made an important first step by writing to us here at PsychCentral. Now be your own best friend and talk to someone who can help you get the practical, in person support you need.
I wish you well.