From a teen in the U.S.: I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 6 months now. In the beginning I was super excited about it and I was really happy. I was a virgin going into the relationship and I had planned on keeping it that way. On the other hand, he was not a virgin and pretty experienced in sex. even before we were dating, he would try to put his hands down my pants, take off my shirt, etc. I always said no and got uncomfortable but he would do it anyway.
I was naive and inexperienced so I didn’t realize that as a red flag and asked him out anyways. shortly into our relationship he was pressuring sex, I was still uncomfortable and pushed it off as long as I could. a day before our one month I finally gave in and had sex, I cried after, I claimed I didnt know why but deep down I knew it was because I couldn’t believe what I had just done and knew I didn’t want it in the first place. after that, whenever we hung out he would push me to have sex and I just gave in.
I again, didn’t realize it was an issue. things started to get better and he didn’t push as much. but then suddenly he got a lot worse, I was drunk and called him to have sex, he came had sex with me in the car and drove off. the next morning I woke up feeling so much regret. most recently, has started just forcing himself on me and taking out his penis, trying to take off my pants and force me to have sex. it doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing, if he wants it he tries to get it. he once forced his fingers inside me for a solid 10 minutes while I cried. it has started to get to the point where I feel bad about myself and I don’t even want him near me. I am so scared he will force himself on me. I have been contemplating breaking up with him for a little while now and this is my biggest reason why, should I do it? ( note I have brought up my issue with him before and he’s ignored it )
Run! The simple answer to your question is “Yes”. This man is abusing your love, your trust, and your boundaries. I understand that you were inexperienced when the relationship began so you ignored the “red flags”. But why are you ignoring them now?
What he is doing isn’t the sweet intimacy of a sexual partner. He is raping you. Repeatedly. Get away. If he pursues you, tell your parents and, if necessary, get a restraining order. This is very, very serious. Then get yourself into therapy so that you can learn from the experience and deal with the after-shock of being treated this way by someone you thought you loved.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
Is My Boyfriend Sexually Abusive?
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Is My Boyfriend Sexually Abusive?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/07/27/is-my-boyfriend-sexually-abusive/
Last updated: 26 Jul 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 26 Jul 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.