It is not normal for an adult male to become aroused by a young child, especially at the sight of his own daughter. Men can have erections without sexual arousal. Many high school aged males will remember having erections in English or math class or at many other non-sexual times. I would strongly advise against letting your child be in his presence unsupervised. He may never harm or touch his child or any other child but to know that he may become aroused in the presence of young children is potentially troubling. However, it may be nothing at all.
You did not mention how your friend came to know that her husband was erect in the bath tub. Did he admit this to her? Did she find him in the bath tub with her and witness his erection? It would be helpful to know how she found out this information. As I mentioned above, he may never inappropriately touch his child and his erection may not be a sign of his arousal to the child but it is potentially a problem.
You said that your husband had told you were OTT. I do not know what this means. I take this expression to mean that he thinks you’re overprotective. You wrote that you told your daughter never to let anyone touch her in her “private parts.” I would not label this as overprotective. It seems perfectly reasonable and appropriate.
As for whether you should you tell your husband about your sexual abuse, only you can decide. As you said, it might help him to understand why you behave a certain way with your daughter. You said that you felt this matter was resolved in your mind but hearing about your friend’s husband brought up old feelings. Perhaps the issue is not resolved. It may be that you’ve psychologically buried it as a way to avoid thinking about it. If you are not certain that you want to tell your husband now perhaps you will in the future. It depends how comfortable you feel about revealing this information to him. Honesty is always encouraged but only you will know when and if you should tell him. Thanks for writing.
This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on July 21, 2008.