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I Have No Genuine Interest in Socializing or Intimacy

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I would not consider this an “issue.” However I am curious to understand the potential reasoning’s behind this. Usually I spend a great majority of my free time in solitude, I don’t bother having social interactions with others (family or acquaintances) because quite frankly it is not enjoyable or particularly interesting. As far as intimacy goes I absolutely disdain love and affection. My childhood was great, and I do not have any family issues currently or from the past. I simply find that love and affection disgusts me. I realized that when I was 12, my mother would shower me with love and it would completely irritate me and grind my gears. She knows now that I do not like that so she stopped. The issue however, is my lack of any emotion and care for others. I am an introvert, but most introverts have some kind of social interactions with close friends or acquaintances. I however don’t have friends since most people cant meet my expectations and when I am friendly to someone they associate that with interest and they start to become annoying and wanting to have a conversation. I usually show them I am uninterested by replying with single words or expressing no emotion on my face until its awkward and they say goodbye. I cant connect with people at all on an emotional level is what I realized I don’t care about the persons dreams, desires, emotions or well-being for that matter. This may come across as very blunt and rude. But I don’t even care about my parents in the same manor I don’t care about other people. I don’t mind socializing so long as there is a clear goal (work or educational space). I don’t enjoy communicating with people for enjoyment. My lack of intimacy is probably a direct result of my disinterest with socializing with people. That being said feedback on this would be much appreciated.

I Have No Genuine Interest in Socializing or Intimacy

Answered by on -

A.

Your degree of social interaction is your choice. Some people choose to live alone deep in a forest, others to live alone in the mountains. Some people choose isolation even while living in the middle of a large, congested city. The only important question is why they have made that choice. Was it for healthy reasons or unhealthy reasons? Healthy reasons would be comprised of factors that are not harmful to the individual, in the short-term or long-term, and are not harmful to others. Unhealthy reasons would include misconceptions, irrational thoughts, delusions, fears and phobias, etc.

If one were truly an introvert, social isolation would be the result of fear. Introverts are simply “shy.” Fear stops them from putting up their hand in class, from calling someone on the phone, making eye contact with someone they are attracted to, etc. Introverts do not prefer social isolation. They prefer not being shy.

You say that you had a perfectly normal childhood but can you be sure that that is really true? I hope you recognize that having an overly affectionate mother who smothered you with attention is not a perfectly normal childhood. Too little affection is a problem, smothering affection is also a problem.

You say that you do not feel much empathy when discussing things with other people. You say that you are not concerned with other people’s dreams or problems. You might be surprised to know that most people are not concerned with the dreams and problems of other people, even though they have learned to pretend as if they are. Their empathy and seeming concern is actually the result of learned social acting skills. You know how you feel on the inside when someone is discussing their dreams or problems and you know that you don’t care too much at all about what you are hearing. However, you don’t know what others are feeling on the inside when they are hearing someone discuss their dreams or problems. In most cases, it could well be that you are feeling exactly the same thing.

You don’t mention drug usage. Many drugs, legal or illegal, can affect and do affect the emotions you feel. My advice to you would be to find a good therapist and to discuss with that therapist the things that you have brought up and asked in your letter. The letter that you wrote was comprised of 333 words. That’s all the information that I have about you and that is not nearly enough to provide you with any significant, personal insight. Many, many thousands of words can be exchanged in one hour of counseling. I wish you the best of luck.

I Have No Genuine Interest in Socializing or Intimacy

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). I Have No Genuine Interest in Socializing or Intimacy. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/07/17/i-have-no-genuine-interest-in-socializing-or-intimacy/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 16 Jul 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 16 Jul 2018
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