Denial and minimization are the two primary defense mechanisms used when we don’t want to face our own unhealed parts of the self. I believe you are denying your boyfriend’s obvious pathology and minimizing it by saying he didn’t know how the camera worked. Your current boyfriend’s lack of boundaries and invasion of privacy shows a complete lack of regard or respect for other people’s needs and rights and, what is more, this camera may have been used to capture pictures of your 5-year-old daughter.
Is this really someone you want in the delivery room for support? Why would you want to make this infraction small and welcome him into the most sacred moments of your life, when he was carelessly indifferent with yours, your mother’s and your daughter’s?
Your children are yours and your parents, of course, shouldn’t take them. But you need to face up to the fact that you chose a boyfriend unworthy of your trust. It would be good for you to have your own therapist to talk to as you go through these difficult transformations.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral