I have been dealing with my anxiety for years I never knew how to control the stupid mental illness. Til to this day I want to kill people because of my anxiety is being pushed.
I do go to therapy for my anxiety but the urge seems actually strong it won’t go away.
I haven’t told my therapist I’m actually scared of telling her.
I don’t want any of my family to know that I have a strong urge because I’m afraid they will be afraid of me or send me to a asylum.
I probably would get sent to a mental hospital.
But I don’t know what triggered this urge.
I wonder if it’s the fact that I want to go to hell so badly or something else.
But I have studied the deep web for 4 years but every time I go into it sometimes I get a small urge to kill someone.
I love studying the deep web I really don’t want to quit doing it.
But I really love this deep web YouTube channel
The channel is Meatsleep and many people claim Meatsleep as a cannibal,rapist,kidnapper, and killer.
But some reason he’s my idol.
I find that very concerning.
In fact, I have went through a bad depression stage where I was tempted to commit suicide but I didn’t my therapy fixed the depression because I was fixing my anxiety.
But when I was in my depression stage I drew all kinds of gore but I was forced to stop.
Me coping my anxiety is drawing gore and listening to dark lofi which is depressing but seems to help.
But i still have a strong urge.I Have a Strong Urge to Kill
I Have a Strong Urge to Kill
If you truly want help from your therapist, then you have to tell the truth. Think about it. You’ve been withholding important information from her. You never told her about your urge to kill. You have probably never told her about your visiting the deep web or your viewing of the disturbing YouTube channel. You also mentioned your temptation to commit suicide but didn’t necessarily indicate whether or not you’ve told your therapist.
It’s difficult to help someone when they’re withholding important facts about what’s wrong. If you don’t tell her the truth, then it will be difficult to help you.
I understand your fears but, in all likelihood, you would not be committed to a hospital. It is extremely difficult to be committed. An individual has to pose an imminent and actionable threat to themselves or to others in order to be committed. Thoughts and ideas are often too vague to justify inpatient hospitalization.
Until your honest with your therapist, these issues will likely continue but this is easily rectified by telling the truth. She will not be surprised. It’s not something she hasn’t heard before. Therapists are trained to know how to treat these types of issues.
You should also stop indulging your negative and harmful urges. Your visits to the dark web, and so forth, are likely making these urges worse but you can change that by doing it less or stopping altogether. These types of behaviors are a sign of someone in significant distress.
If your urge to kill becomes unbearable or uncontrollable, then contact emergency services. They will protect you from harming yourself or someone else. I hope that you will speak to your therapist and begin to heal from these very treatable conditions. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle