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Is My Mom’s Boyfriend Doing Me More Harm Than Good?

From the U.S.: As of right now I’m wondering if her boyfriend is doing more harm than good. Me and my mom used to fight a lot worse. We all live under the same roof. Me, my son, her and her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend has never liked me. He never says anything positive. Sure what he says may be true but I think it’s not helping. Me and my mom fight a lot but what I’m concerned about is her mood changes when her boyfriend is around. Like today we had a great day. Lots of laughing. We had our friend over and we were all in the spa and my son was splashing and things were great. I leave to take my son to baseball practice and when I return she is in complete hate mode towards me. And when I left we just had a fun day and things were good.

I ask what’s wrong and she tells me “oh you don’t give me attitude one day and we’re fine?” I’m curious if it’s bad that whenever she’s with her boyfriend in her room all the talk between them is him talking negatively about me. I’m wondering if that would stress our situation and not make it any better because he’s there fueling her brain and reminding her what a f*** up her daughter is. Thanks for any response.

Is My Mom’s Boyfriend Doing Me More Harm Than Good?

A.

You say that what the boyfriend says is true. If that’s the case, the problem isn’t the boyfriend. The problem is that you and your mother don’t have an adult relationship. Rather than blame the boyfriend, it would probably be more productive to look hard at yourself and take responsibility for your part in the fights — and fix them.

If you can’t do that, it’s time for you to move out and make your own life with your son.

Bottom line; It’s not healthy for your son to be watching the grown-ups fight all the time. It’s not healthy for the grown-ups to be fighting.

If you can’t work this out among yourselves, consider seeing a mediator or therapist to help you.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Is My Mom’s Boyfriend Doing Me More Harm Than Good?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Is My Mom’s Boyfriend Doing Me More Harm Than Good?. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 20, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/07/07/is-my-moms-boyfriend-doing-me-more-harm-than-good/

 

Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 3 Jul 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Jul 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.