I agree with you that this is a problem. I would categorize your reaction to the situation you described as inappropriate. It is normal to consider the possibilities of what happened to you in the store. After your analysis of the situation you could not determine what had happened. Given the facts, as you have described them, the only rational conclusion for anyone in that situation would be, they simply don’t know what happened. After they came to that conclusion they would have forgotten about it. You did not forget about it. You could not let it go. It became your primary focus. At first, you considered the possibility of an accident. You quickly abandoned that possibility and fixated on the idea that it was done on purpose. These feelings are paranoid in nature.
Paranoid personality disorder is a mental health condition in which an individual is highly distrustful of other people. They suspect that others are out to get them. Their distrust and suspiciousness can sometimes lead to anger. The anger can sometimes lead to violence. If someone believes that others are out to get them or trying to “one up” them, then this can lead an individual to feel angry and to seek revenge. This may be what you are experiencing. Based on your belief that someone had purposefully thrown a toy at you in a bookstore, you thought of plotting a way to seek revenge. If you’d like to read more about this disorder please click here.
I would highly recommend evaluation and treatment. I cannot be certain if you have paranoid personality disorder; only an in-person evaluation could accurately determine that or any other diagnosis. I believe it is important that you receive objective feedback about how you are perceiving your life situations. As you mentioned at the end of your letter, this problem is not going away and is becoming worse. It is leading you to other distressful feelings and symptoms, all of which need to be evaluated.
Therapy may be difficult for an individual if they have paranoid feelings. I believe that you would benefit from counseling if you were willing to try it. Here is a link to therapists in your area. I wish you well. Thanks for your question.
This article has been updated from the original version, which was originally published here on July 3, 2010.