I’m a 31 years old guy in Europe, and I have an issue that is making my life difficult and challenging.
Till this time I’ve never had a girlfriend before, I don’t understand why and i’m not able to identify the problem on my own, I try my best but i was never seen by any woman as someone lovable or a potential lover. I have never been intimate with a girl before, I’m trying and trying but all my efforts are in vain.
After all those years i’m starting to feel sick, i’m getting very depressed at times and it is causing me to have a very low self-esteem. I believe by now that i’m very ugly and different that no woman would ever want to be with me. I need help but I’m not sure where to seek it and if it is available i can’t afford it.
I really do believe that there is someone in the world for everyone. That includes you. Look around you. All kinds of people find love. It doesn’t always have to do with looks or personality.
I don’t think you have to try “harder”. I do think you may have to try “differently”. That means getting some feedback about how you are seen by others and getting some guidance about how to change your behavior so you are more successful.
My best suggestion is that you seek out some group therapy. Under the guidance of a mental health professional, group members get direct feedback from each other about their behavior as well as opportunities to try out different ways of relating.
Don’t be so sure that you can’t afford help. Group therapy tends to be less expensive than individual therapy. Contact a mental health center to find out what is available. You may also be able to find a free singles support group in your city.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
Why Can’t I Find Love?
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Why Can’t I Find Love?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on July 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/06/28/why-cant-i-find-love/
Last updated: 27 Jun 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 27 Jun 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.