I’m very glad you wrote. Let’s start with your last paragraph: Your personality isn’t irredeemable and evil. Past wrong-doings co not necessarily define a person. Self-absorbed people, especially self-absorbed teens, do not necessarily develop a Narcissistic Personality. Exposure and Response Therapy is not the only way to manage Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Your letter tells me that you are insightful and intelligent. How you move forward in life is entirely up to you. You may not be able to access professional help, but you can start working on your various issues today — right now.
“Bibliotherapy” (reading) is available to everyone. There is plenty of information on the web about how to manage obsessional thoughts. There is also a great deal of information on the difference between the normal narcissism of the teen years and the abnormal narcissism of a personality disorder. There is also a ton of information about recovering from bullying. Use your considerable intellect to think about what you read and to try out suggestions.
You might find it helpful to join one of the forums here at PsychCentral. People from all over the world offer each other support and advice.
Don’t give up on getting some therapy. Talk to your school counselor or physician about whether there are programs in your city that offer free or very low cost therapy to teens.
In the mean time: I hope you are working hard in school so that you are eligible for further education or a well paying job. I hope you are either volunteering or working part time in order to develop skills that will make it possible for you to get a good job and to move out of your parents’ home when you graduate. You are not “stuck”. You are temporarily under your parents’ roof while you get yourself ready to enter the adult world. Make good use of this time.
I wish you well.