These issues might have to do with struggling to find your identity. At your age, its normal and expected that you will be searching for your identity, separate and apart from your parents and peers. It’s a natural part of personality development. They even have a name for this phase of life, identity versus identity confusion. It’s an expected part of psychological growth. It involves exploring your values, beliefs and goals, your likes and dislikes, etc. Without proper guidance, it can be a confusing time.
Individuals who want a mental health disorder often do so because they are lacking attention (as you are reluctant to admit). More than anything they want people to show them love. You may have determined that people with a mental health disorder garner more attention than people without a disorder. This may be your way of ensuring attention and love. In your mind, you might think that if you are sick, then people will have to love and care for you; they’ll have no choice.
If your emotional needs were properly being met, you would have no desire for an illness; there would be no need for it. You only need something when it is lacking.
I would recommend talking to your parents about this issue. You should also ask them to take you to counseling. I am particularly concerned about sentiments such as these “…it’s like I’ll die without one.” That may be indicative of your emotional pain. Counseling is the ideal treatment for these issues. Please write again if you have additional questions. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle