From Canada: Three years ago, when I was 19 and doing landscaping, as well as experimenting with MDMA semi-regularly, I started experiencing strange episodes. I would immediately know when it was coming on, it sort of felt like I was starting to feel someone else’s emotions who was trapped and frightened and very desperate. I was still in control of myself and my emotions but in my mind I had this bubble of desperate, scared emotions and whenever I made a movement (like picking something up or putting something down) I had a very vivid picture in my mind of myself throwing or smashing the object or just doing a more violent, desperate version of the action.
As well, whenever I would speak, I could almost hear (more of a feeling than sound) a frightened voice screaming over top of my own voice. Both of these phenomenon would come in varying degrees of intensity, the screaming feeling was so intense one time I could hear vague words. To me, it felt like someone was trapped inside my mind or someone was trying to communicate to me that they were trapped.
After a couple of episodes, I started experiencing another emotion with them, which felt like I was feeling someone’s emotion who was watching this trapped person and knew they couldn’t do anything about it, which felt like a hopelessness or resignation. All of the “symptoms”; felt like they were coming from somewhere/someone else and not my own mind, which is how I knew exactly when it came on and when it ended.
I started recording whenever it happened, but I couldn’t find any specific circumstances that triggered it, other than it only happened when I was alone. These episodes lasted anywhere from 2 to 10 minutes, and at the most frequent were happening twice a day. They started happening less and less frequently until they stopped altogether. This took place over a month or so. I couldn’t find any other cases like this online, I didn’t seek help because it didn’t give me problems and it went away.
Once when I was 20 or 21 I started to feel the onset of an episode, the desperate emotions, but then it went away before progressing. That’s the last time it happened. Just wondering if you can offer any suggestions on what this could be and if I should seek help.Do I Have Psychosis?
Do I Have Psychosis?
It’a possible that the episodes were related to your use of Ecstasy (also called Molly). Pure MDMA is dangerous enough. But often, the stuff that people obtain on the street also contains other drugs instead of or in addition to MDMA (like cocaine, ketamine, methamphetamine, over-the-counter cough medicine, or synthetic cathinones), The combination can really impact your brain and entire nervous system. That may be the only explanation.
The good news is that the episodes stopped. I don’t know enough about the long term effects to comment on the recurrence of one more episode a year or so later.
I suggest you contact a substance abuse treatment center with your questions. They undoubtedly can provide you with more information and guidance than I can.
I wish you well.