Hi there, small summary of my life: I graduated college at 22 and that’s when my mom got really sick. While I wanted to be there for her, I was also ready to start my own life. Unfortunately she decided for me to move back with her and my family far away from my friends, contacts and opportunities because she wanted me to be with her. I spent 6 months away from everyone and I got into a real depression because I had just graduated and I felt I needed to get a job and start a new life. After convincing my family to move back, they cut me off financially. I moved back to my old town but this time with no money and I was flat broke. In the meantime I developed an interest for a path that I want to pursue but I was not able to get the funds for a course or to buy a good laptop. I also lack skills and experience to get a ‘real’ job and I spent a few years working minimum wage jobs just to get by.
My relationship with my family was difficult, especially when they got into financial problems as well and could not provide me with my needs to get back on track (a good laptop and further education). My depression worsened and I often felt lost and hopeless. I was not living my life to the fullest and I felt something was taking away from me. I used to cry a lot over this, however lately I am not doing this anymore. I feel completely numb!
I recently moved back to my family and I don’t have a job. I spend my days doing literally nothing and it is not even bothering me. It used to bother me a lot when I wanted to do something with my life. But now fast forward a couple years, I feel completely numb!
My family’s financial situation has improved and my mom has offered to buy me a laptop and enroll to a course. The problem is that this somehow hurts me because they’re 4 years late. I no longer have the same passion and motivation because of my depression. My question is: how can I move on with my life after a depression and forget about the lost years. Thank you in advance. (From London)
Four years late is better than not at all. Passion can return, and your depression was caused by a loss of a dream. It can lift as the dream returns. You are 27 years old and lamenting a late start, yet this is the time to see the gratitude that is in your life — not focus on the loss. Take the laptop, take the course, and make a plan for greater independence. If you need to, check out the counseling at the college. They are very familiar with how to help someone returning to a dream.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Lost in Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 14, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/06/10/lost-in-life/
Last updated: 7 Jun 2018 (Originally: 10 Jun 2018) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 7 Jun 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.