You are correct: What your husband is doing is emotional abuse. However, naming it doesn’t do a thing toward changing it. It only assigns blame when the situation is more complicated than that.
It sounds to me like your husband is struggling. Part of him wants to be a good husband and father and does what he can to show it. But part of him is overwhelmed by the responsibilities he has taken on. When that happens, he loses his temper and retreats to his family of origin instead of working it out with you.
The best thing to do is to get yourselves into couples counseling. My best guess is that the problem is not your fault or his fault. The problem is that the two of you don’t have enough coping skills for managing the stresses that come with raising a big family on one income. Your husband takes his stress out on you. I’m guessing that you find yourself “walking on eggshells” so you don’t set him off. This is going to destroy a good marriage.
If your husband won’t go to therapy, start off by going yourself. Your therapist will help you figure out how to engage your husband’s participation.
I wish you well.