You attempted suicide twice and regularly think about ways to die. Those are typical signs of depression. Happy and contented people don’t think about dying, nor do they try to end their lives. They look forward to each day. They are excited about living.
Many people, like you, have difficult childhoods, but what’s past is not a determiner of the future. You are not destined to be an unhappy adult. With counseling you can learn a better way to live. Things can be better for you. You can be happy. You deserve to be happy. Sometimes, it takes work to get there but that is what counseling is for.
When you were a child, you had no control over how your parents treated you. You reacted the best way you knew how at the time. It might have worked then but the same methods are not working now. It’s time to update your problem-solving skills. Counseling is the ideal place to learn those new skills.
As you noted in your letter, you have yet to try counseling. Your habit has been to numb your feelings and that method no longer works. It’s time to try something new. Counseling could make all the difference in your life.
You can begin researching therapists by clicking on the “Find Help” tab at the top of this page. Choose about five therapists and call them. Describe the issues you would like help with and ask what types of treatment they would provide you. Choose the ones you like the best over the phone and meet them in person. Good luck with your efforts. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle