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Is My Friend Really My Friend?

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From a teen in the UK: I been have a problem deciding if only “female friend” really likes and cares about me, I tried to date her and went nowhere says we are still friends. I have had doubts about whether or not she really cares about me for few years.

She often seems to ignores me, then approach me and smiles. She rarely texts me if does it due to me not text asking her do so, send tests and does not reply (I only text very occasionally). She has back out of try to meet up with said that I being pushy and demanding never think about my feelin. I very open to her about my own problems but she very rarely reciprocates her problems and secrets. I often sit alone at college refectory alone she ignores me to be with other friends or smiles and leaves talk to them leaving me all alone.

I once told that was considering ending friendship, she sent message she was sorry that she had trouble opening up that she that suffered child abuse from her father and that her mother had mental breakdown. She said she really did care about me,that she was also introverted (had problem expressing herself) and Asperger’s. Need help to know if I still be friends with her or not.

Is My Friend Really My Friend?

Answered by on -


Thank you for writing. Finding our way with friendships is complicated. Please consider that there are levels of friendships. It’s difficult to figure out because people use the same term, “friend”, for most of the levels. Some friends are people we know and wave to when we see them, but we don’t expect them to be confidants. On the other end of the spectrum are those with whom we share our innermost thoughts and secrets. Over time you will develop many types of friendships.

From what you wrote, it seems to me that your friend wants to be friendly but doesn’t want to be closer than that. Please accept that. Such friendships do have value. She is part of your social network. But please put your energy for finding a close, best friend type friend, elsewhere.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Is My Friend Really My Friend?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Is My Friend Really My Friend?. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 7, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 22 May 2018 (Originally: 25 May 2018)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 22 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.