Me and my ex have been broken up for 2 years now. We met when I was a senior in high school 18yo and he was 21. About 2 and a half years older. We broke up because he had to leave Florida for a job in Chicago after college and I was told that’s the only reason. Our relationship was going good and we both really liked each other but apparently he liked the thought of the job and his potential life in Chicago more or maybe he felt it was just something he had to do. 2 months before he had to move away he broke up with me because he realized he was probably going to move away and he didn’t want to hurt me anymore than he had to and thought it’d be smart to end it earlier than later. I freaked out and basically lost my mind and was beyond depressed until we got back together. He texted me telling me he missed me and we got back together until right before he had to move. Ever since he moved and away and we broke up I’ve been severely depressed and even felt suicidal at times. I basically just feel like my whole life has been taken away and I can’t stop thinking about him. I literally think about him 24/7 and feel an unbearable pain every time I think about him and it’s just too much. Usually people take a bit and get over their ex, but it’s been 2 years and I still would do anything for me and him to get back together. I still think about him first thing when I wake up and last thing before I go to bed and I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with him. He was just an average looking (to most people) very nice normal guy that was going to college and as soon as I met him I instantly fell in love. I’ve tried everything possible but I just can’t get over him and I seriously need help. This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life and it’s all day every day. Please help.
To make this change will require deliberate effort. There is no easy shortcut. When you allow your thoughts to return to the loss and look for him to return, it doesn’t give you the chance to grieve. Breaking up is difficult, but ruminating about it can be even more devastating. If you want to feel better you will need some support to make the change. Reaching out here to PsychCentral is a great first step. The way to follow this up is by finding a support group or individual therapy. As far as books are concerned I like the daily meditations offered in the book The Language of Letting Go. They can be applied to your situation and will help you untangle from your ex.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Can’t Get Over My Ex. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 11, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/05/25/cant-get-over-my-ex/
Last updated: 22 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 22 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.