I either Procrastinate or avoid doing things. Simple things, like checking email, paying rent (even when I have the money), homework, studying. I do the same to things that I LOVE doing. Eg: 1) I procrastinate doing Homework until the last hour but I love it when I’m doing it. 2) I procrastinate studying for a class but when I finally do I REALLY enjoy it.
This might sound like an easy problem to get over, but it is not. I’m 24 now and I’ve been trying to not do this since I was 13. The issue is that thinking about these tasks gives me this sad/gloomy/ feeling as if I will absolutely die if I start doing the task. But when I start doing that same exact task, I absolutely love it. It is as if my mind has made HARDCORE NO-NO association towards all the tasks that my life requires me to do. One Phrase: Bad Association towards everything!. Another way to put it is maybe my mind is just so scared of the outcome of everything that it forces me not to do it. Right after forcing myself to do something (which is harder than enduring the pain of broken bone for me) I realize that I absolutely love doing it and start to think “Why the heck were you procrastinating you, idiot!”
My other characteristics:
When something bad happens in life, I cannot think of anything other than that. It has come to a point where my mind keeps repeating it over and over again and I cannot help it. The problem is that even though I suffer thinking about it, I cannot take steps to fix it because thinking about what I need to do scares me to death. I can’t even get out of bed in those situations.
I have a perfection or nothing attitude.
Every exam, every project, every presentation that I have completed in my life, I have prepared for them at the last minute.
Bottom Line: My main issue is that I procrastinate or completely refrain from doing things. It is as if something scares me or I have a REALLY bad association in my mind about everything. But if I start doing it, I feel relieved and enjoy doing it. You can summarize my problem as: Starting Trouble from HELL!!
Please tell me what I’m suffering from.