Feeling like you’re a “mess” isn’t a laughing matter. You are in pain. You are smart to reach for help. At only 19, you are trying to figure out how to deal with personal issues while at the same time learning how to be married. That’s a tall order but a very important one. Untreated trust issues could severely damage your relationship with your husband.
I agree that having a therapist would probably be helpful. I also agree that forums can be reassuring but don’t necessarily provide the kind of personalized and professional support that you may need. I hope you will research what therapy resources are available in your community. If cost is an issue, do look for a community mental health clinic or for therapists who have a sliding fee structure. Your doctor may be able to make a referral for you.
I wish you well.