From the U.S.: I have a friend who we call each other “best friends”;. however she is not really open to me. I have invited her to meet my family around 5 times. always rejecting and coming up with excuses. I invited her again for the last time hoping it would be fine to meet my cousin and sister at a restaurant. so it would only be us 4. She replied in a sad tone (voice message) saying her heart is beating fast, shes anxious, shaking and nervous, there is going to be too much people, she doesn’t know anyone (although its only me, my sister and cousin). i told her she always goes to restaurants and meets people but whats the problem with this? She wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong and we ended up fighting. She told me to google it for an answer. I googled and only thing i could come up with is social anxiety. she said no. however I have no idea what the issue is. Can anyone help? btw we have been friends for around a year.
If she is your bestie, I think she owes it to you to tell you what she thinks is “wrong” instead of making it a guessing game for you. It may be that she is only comfortable with people she already knows or that there is something about meeting “family” that is overwhelming to her. If so, this is a problem to solve, not a reason to avoid the issue.
If she continues to be unwilling to meet other people who are important to you, I do think you should step back from “best friend” status. Her demand or inability to tolerate sharing you with others you care about will make it difficult for you to maintain your other relationships. You may find yourself having to choose between spending time with her or your family and other friends.
Please don’t limit yourself to one good friend. It is best for your self esteem and your mental health to have at least a few good, good friends as well as family in your life to share both good news and difficult times.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
Why Won’t My Friend Meet My Family?
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Why Won’t My Friend Meet My Family?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/05/18/why-wont-my-friend-meet-my-family/
Last updated: 15 May 2018 (Originally: 18 May 2018) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 15 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.