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I Am Not Sexually Attracted to My BF

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I am not sexually attracted to my bf anymore, after 10 years of being on and off. I think we are together because he deeply loves me but the feeling is not mutual 100%. I love him but not in that way anymore. We have a kid together and I don’t want to be selfish and destroy a family over sex. I deal with depression and because of the situation I’m in, I feel like it makes me even more depressed.

I Am Not Sexually Attracted to My BF

Answered by on -


This isn’t likely to be just about the sex. The lack of physical attraction is typically informed by many other elements. It is time to have an honest talk with you BF.

If you think you can manage the talk on your own then carve out some time to say that you aren’t happy and explain what you are feeling. If you would like a therapist to mediate this then use the Find Help tab at the top of this page to find someone in your area — or this group. I’d do this sooner rather than later.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Am Not Sexually Attracted to My BF

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Am Not Sexually Attracted to My BF. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 18, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 15 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 15 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.