From a teen in the U.S.: Well I was physically abused as a child by my father and emotionally abused by my mother all my life. I had abandonment issues after my parents split up and people who raised me walked out. Depersonalistion and derealisation were heavy in my life and i always felt out of place and heard voices which i saw as my friends and saw shadows.
I have anxiety and depression and I find myself gazing far into the distance when people talk to me. So much so that they get confused at what I’m looking at. People poke jokes at me asking me why I’m depressed and saying I’m hopeless and it’s makin me feel crazy.
I prefer my own company way more than any other persons and always find myself burning out from exhaustion and I study so much. I’m not sure how to live like a normal person and feel like I’m slipping further away from realityAm I Crazy?
You are not “crazy”. I think you are a traumatized person who needs and deserves some help. It’s too much to expect of yourself to untangle all the feelings that go with being abused and abandoned. You’ve already done a remarkable job holding it together. That tells me that you have an inner core of strength that is serving you well. But even strong people can be overwhelmed by a history like yours. You deserve the support and practical help that counseling can provide.
The good news is that you are only 16. Good treatment now will help you build on your strengths and learn some new ways to cope. You can have a happy and normal adult life despite your rough start.
It was a brave thing to write to us here at PsychCentral. Please hold onto that courage and look for the help you need to get taken care of. Your school counselor probably knows about programs and counselors who specialize in trauma treatment and teens. If you don’t trust the counselors, think about whether there is a teacher or other adult you can confide in. You don’t have to figure everything out alone.
I wish you well.