You are not “crazy”. I think you are a traumatized person who needs and deserves some help. It’s too much to expect of yourself to untangle all the feelings that go with being abused and abandoned. You’ve already done a remarkable job holding it together. That tells me that you have an inner core of strength that is serving you well. But even strong people can be overwhelmed by a history like yours. You deserve the support and practical help that counseling can provide.
The good news is that you are only 16. Good treatment now will help you build on your strengths and learn some new ways to cope. You can have a happy and normal adult life despite your rough start.
It was a brave thing to write to us here at PsychCentral. Please hold onto that courage and look for the help you need to get taken care of. Your school counselor probably knows about programs and counselors who specialize in trauma treatment and teens. If you don’t trust the counselors, think about whether there is a teacher or other adult you can confide in. You don’t have to figure everything out alone.
I wish you well.