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I Want Him Back

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From a teen in India: I was in a serious relationship for 3 years. both of us were best friends and later it turned to love. We had a amazing relationship which was a matured one. this is both of ours first serious relationship. v had gone through many problems and had been in a verge of breakup a lot of times but managed to get over it.

both of us are of different religion so v had some tensions about future…my parents dont have any problem but issues will arise in his house but despite all of this v decided v will face everything and stay together.

now v broke up 2 months back. he said he is feeling guilty becus many probeloms will arise and told me v will be best friends. i was devastated. now v are best friends . v are still much closer both physically and mentally. both of us are acting ok but actully its not. i cannot hide my feelings like him. i still cannot accept the fact that v havr broken up cus v saw lot of dreams together. i want him back..i want him to miss me and realise that he cannot live without me.

many told me that i should keep distance so that he will miss me but i cannot do that also v see every day in college. v r in the same class. v studied in same school and planned and joined same college. i really want him to come back. v are still the same like v r still possessive about each other,physical care,fights etc everything is still there but it he hurts when that best friend term is told my him..pls help me out.

I Want Him Back

Answered by on -

A.

What a sad situation. I’m sure your heart is breaking. But as hard as it is to feel so out of control, there is nothing you can do to “get him back”. He has made a very difficult decision based on his understanding of his family’s response to your relationship. He has made his choice.

That being said, it does seem like he is trying to have it both ways: He doesn’t want a future with you, but he is enjoying all the benefits of being a boyfriend in the present. This is not at all fair to you. For you to allow it is not being fair to yourself.

You do need to move on — not as a tactic for getting him back — but for your own mental well-being and self-respect. Make yourself available for someone who can love you and cherish you as you deserve. Accepting your ex’s terms will only keep you stuck.

Get on with your life. Date other men. Maybe your ex will change his mind. Maybe he won’t. But at that point, you’ll be able to decide if it is worth it to try again.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I Want Him Back

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Want Him Back. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 15, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/05/04/i-want-him-back/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 1 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 1 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.