I was brought up in a religious home and have struggled with the belief that I am possessed. I know it sounds crazy but the feeling is very real. Since early adolescence, I am visited by an evil presence quite often while asleep. He tries to enter me and I am frozen in complete fear. He speaks to me and threatens me with things I can’t bring myself to write or tell anyone. As a child my mom would take me to church and they would pray for deliverance but it never went away even though I eventually told her it did. A few years ago, I started seeing a psychologist for anxiety. After a year and a half of therapy I finally had the courage to tell my therapist about the sexual contact I had by three men when I was between the ages of 6-15yrs. My psychologist is convinced that these possession episodes are flashbacks to those experiences. Is he telling me the truth? I want to believe him but I’m afraid. It’s been very difficult to process the memories from the childhood experiences because of the shame and guilt I feel for being so needy. I enjoyed the attention and even initiated much of the contact. I may have been a child but I knew it was wrong. I feel like God is punishing me.Feeling Possessed
I admire the courage it takes to bring this issue to us. It sounds like it has been bothering you for a long time and I appreciate the bravery to write about it here.
The therapist is helping make a link between the abuse, your sense of guilt, and feeling punished by god. Somehow the connection between these elements seems to be important.
The fact that it took you such a long time to acknowledge this with your therapist is also important and I would follow his insight as you keep exploring this. Since you’ve trusted the therapist for this amount of time, it seems very reasonable to continue the trust as it is part of the healing. Let him know the struggles you are having with being afraid.