I have been with my fiance for the past 4 years. He was previously married and is divorced with a child. And me and him now have a child together. As a family unit we run great and smoothly. When it involves are children are life is perfect. But between me and him we are having issues that are slowly escalating. I feel like in our relationship he lacks a lot of respect for me. When the children are not present he will cuss me out when upset, tell me to leave or think of the meanest thing he can say to hurt me. At first he told me he acted that way because are sexually life wasn’t the best (to be honest we have two kids and i am tired) so i have tried to make an effort to make that better and his behaviors got better for a few days and then he is back acting this way. I have tried talking to him about it and again it will get better a few days then back to the same. I love him (and don’t get me wrong he is a good person and an amazing dad). I don’t want to break up our family but i can feel myself becoming resentful and just avoiding him all together to avoid any confrontation. I am lost on what to do?
The fact that you are treated so poorly tells you something about the the lack of respect your fiancé has. Being bothered by this is very healthy and I would highly recommend taking the next step together. This tends to escalate unless both parties decide to make a change. Invite your fiancé to go to couple therapy with you. His anger and blame of your sexual performance isn’t a good sign. I would encourage getting the two of you to a couple counselor sooner rather than later.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Feeling Lost. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/05/02/feeling-lost-3/
Last updated: 1 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 1 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.