I’m so glad you wrote. It takes courage to confront a problem when you feel so much shame about it.
I want you to know you are not alone. I’ve heard similar stories many times before. Everyone who falls into skin-picking as a habit for “self-improvement” wants to stop and feels that they can’t. But there is treatment and you can learn to control the urge.
Skin picking is generally a form of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Dr. Sabine Wilhelm and her team at the Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) Clinic & Research Unit at the Massachusetts General Hospital/Harvard Medical School have dedicated years of research in how best to treat it. A combination of medication, cognitive behavior therapy and support will help you do what you can’t do for yourself. I suggest you go to their website to learn information and to use their therapist locator to find a therapist who specializes in the problem.
Please follow through. The longer you delay getting treatment, the more damaged your skin will be — and the more your self-esteem will suffer. You deserve the good help and support that a therapist can provide.
I wish you well.