I don’t think you need insight. You need to believe what your own wise inner self is telling you. This guy may be wonderful in many ways but he is in no shape to give you what you want in a relationship. He has major healing to do. On top of that, you say he is racist and addicted to media. Those are two more good reasons why he isn’t the guy for you.
Meanwhile, you have issues of your own. Yes, you are expecting too much from him. In fact, you are expecting too much of anyone older than 15. Most adults your age have a past. Most have loved and lost at least once. It’s unlikely you are going to find someone for whom you are the first and only. That doesn’t mean you can’t find someone to love you deeply and exclusively. It does mean that you need to stop competing with your own imaginary ideas about a person’s past.
I hope you will make an appointment to see a counselor. You do deserve to find love. You do deserve to have less anxiety about attachment.
I wish you well.