It’s worrisome that you nearly “bludgeoned” your sister with a hammer. If it’s true, then it’s obviously concerning. It’s never okay to physically harm someone. It might suggest that you are at risk of becoming a violent person.
The fact that you have these types of thoughts is worrisome however, you are aware of them and are seeking help for them. I find this very encouraging. It demonstrates your insightfulness and openness to correct whatever may be wrong. These are always positive signs.
I recommend consulting a mental health professional for an objective evaluation. This will help you to know if your concerns are valid and most importantly, what to do to prevent any possible violence. It’s impossible for me to provide an evaluation over the internet. I don’t have the opportunity to ask additional questions about your concerns. I hope you that will consider consulting a mental health professional. They will help you know how to proceed. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle