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I Have Developed Feelings for My Same-Sex Friend

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I consider myself a heterosexual male but I have often had difficulty forming romantic connections with women for one reason or another. Instead, I tend to be romantically attracted to men, even if that attraction doesn’t exactly translate into sexual attraction.

Recently, I have found myself very attracted to my same-sex roommate. My feelings toward him are romantic and I really wish I could start a relationship with him. When I told him about my feelings he seemed ambivalent. I had thought that perhaps he was interested in me (he seems like the type of person who is not totally straight) but I get the feeling that he doesn’t feel comfortable forming a relationship with me.

I feel very desperate at the moment as I crave romantic connection but I seem to be unable to obtain it, either with men or women. To be honest, I have no idea how to proceed either with my roommate or with any future romantic relationship. I feel as though I lack the ability to form a meaningful romantic connection with a woman, but I am also incapable of forming a sexual relationship with a man. I may be destined to be alone forever, even though it kills me.

Please let me know your thoughts.

I Have Developed Feelings for My Same-Sex Friend

Answered by on -


  These ambivalent feelings are common and it would be helpful for you to talk to a therapist familiar with these type of identity issues. It says from your profile that you are at a university. Universities are equipped with typically well-staffed and trained therapists in their clinic for student counseling. I would highly recommend this. It is your uncertainty about you sexual identity that underlies the difficulty and hesitation. The therapy would go a long way toward healing this.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I Have Developed Feelings for My Same-Sex Friend

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Have Developed Feelings for My Same-Sex Friend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 16 Apr 2018 (Originally: 19 Apr 2018)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 16 Apr 2018
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