I’ve always had homicidal/suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember, but i never spent too much time thinking about them until recently. Since I turned 14, I’ve been thinking a lot more about homicide/suicide, and I’ve been having urges to do it as well. Of course I haven’t acted on these thoughts yet, but they’re getting harder to ignore. I know this isn’t normal, or right, but I’ve been wanting to kill someone recently, and in very graphic ways, even thinking of torturing them before I do it. The people in question are usually people I have a dislike or even hatred towards. I’m scared that I might enact on these thoughts and hurt someone, or worst. I also think of killing myself in very graphic, and usually painful, ways. I don’t want to do these things, but they’re getting harder to ignore. I tried to bring this up to my parents, but they refuse to take me to see a therapist because “they’ll take me away and put me in a mental hospital.” I really don’t know what to do.
You are brave and courageous for talking about these very uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. The fact that you feel very uncomfortable about these thoughts is a good sign. It is really unfortunate that your parents are not understanding how difficult this is for you. I would ask them again, perhaps even show them this column, and see if they can set you up with a therapist. These thoughts can happen for a variety of reasons and getting to talk to a therapist is a good way to get to the bottom.
If your parents won’t help talk to your school guidance counselor. He or she is in a very good position to help. They have specialized training in helping young people through these difficult periods. You can also show them this column.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Have Murderous/Suicidal Thoughts. Psych Central.
Retrieved on June 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/04/08/i-have-murderous-suicidal-thoughts/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.