I’ve always had homicidal/suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember, but i never spent too much time thinking about them until recently. Since I turned 14, I’ve been thinking a lot more about homicide/suicide, and I’ve been having urges to do it as well. Of course I haven’t acted on these thoughts yet, but they’re getting harder to ignore. I know this isn’t normal, or right, but I’ve been wanting to kill someone recently, and in very graphic ways, even thinking of torturing them before I do it. The people in question are usually people I have a dislike or even hatred towards. I’m scared that I might enact on these thoughts and hurt someone, or worst. I also think of killing myself in very graphic, and usually painful, ways. I don’t want to do these things, but they’re getting harder to ignore. I tried to bring this up to my parents, but they refuse to take me to see a therapist because “they’ll take me away and put me in a mental hospital.” I really don’t know what to do.I Have Murderous/Suicidal Thoughts
You are brave and courageous for talking about these very uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. The fact that you feel very uncomfortable about these thoughts is a good sign. It is really unfortunate that your parents are not understanding how difficult this is for you. I would ask them again, perhaps even show them this column, and see if they can set you up with a therapist. These thoughts can happen for a variety of reasons and getting to talk to a therapist is a good way to get to the bottom.
If your parents won’t help talk to your school guidance counselor. He or she is in a very good position to help. They have specialized training in helping young people through these difficult periods. You can also show them this column.
Wishing you patience and peace,
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