Thanks for having the courage to start talking about this. You are looking for an identity, but the way you are going about it is likely to make things more difficult. You’ve taken the first big step here by talking about it. It is time to talk about this with someone who can help you sort though these thoughts. I can only imagine it isn’t easy having them.
Because your profile says you are in middle school I would encourage you to talk to your mom or dad about going to talk to a counselor. If it is too difficult for you to talk to them show them this column and ask for them to help. I wouldn’t wait too long on this. Ask them to help you find someone to talk to sooner rather than later.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral