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Why Can’t I Let this Destructive Online Relationship Go?

From Greece: I met a guy on Playstation 3. I am 30 and he is 21. We live in different countries. When i looked him up online a few newspaper articles came up about him being involved in a series of car thefts and other previous offences. I decided to overlook these as what he was telling me made me feel wonderful.

We would talk every day. Most of the days though he would disappear for hours. The explanation always was that he was either at home and wasn’t able to talk on the phone (and only text) because his brother would embarrass him or he was outside working (parcel delivery, house painting, house removals) and hadn’t topped up his phone to text me.

When he would disappear on me, I felt awful and cried until he texted me. Truth is I tend to be overly attached to a person and need constant reassurance. After two months of everyday talking, we had an argument (because the last night he told me that some people were at his door and would fight and that he might stab someone). I was worried sick and couldn’t sleep. The next day he texted me as if nothing had happened and I started arguing with him coz he didn’t let me know that nothing bad had happened.

Long story short, he decided to end us even though I have spent 700 euros on plane tickets and hotel room to go and visit him at Easter. I know that this guy wasn’t the one for me but my heart tells different. I can’t stop thinking about him and missing him.

It hurts so bad and I want it to stop.

Please help me.

Why Can’t I Let this Destructive Online Relationship Go?

A.

You already know this guy is bad news for you. He steals cars and also seems to know how to steal your heart. You can’t change him. At only 21, he is already a con man. There is no hope for this relationship.

There is hope for you, though. You already know that you are terribly insecure in relationships. You already know that you make unreasonable demands for reassurance. It’s long past time for you to get some help with this. I think the healthy part of you that knows that is what motivated you to write to us here at PsychCentral.

Please listen to your wiser self and get the help you need. You are only 30. Start going to therapy so you can become less dependent and so you can learn how to find the mutually loving, supportive relationship you deserve.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Why Can’t I Let this Destructive Online Relationship Go?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Why Can’t I Let this Destructive Online Relationship Go?. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 20, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/04/07/why-cant-i-let-this-destructive-online-relationship-go/

 

Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 5 Apr 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Apr 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.