I feel myself screaming in my own head, have compulsions to act…insane…like doing weird twitchy movements, talking in a nonsense language or just making grimaces and noises. So far I am in a firm control of these compulsions, they never slip in public. But when I am alone, sometimes I just…cant. And its like something overtakes my body while I just scream internally. Its like my own mind is trying to imprison my consciousness in a prison while replacing it with raving lunacy, while I fully realize what I am doing and what is happening around me, but am too deep to regain control. My therapists and psychiatrist do not believe me and keep convincing me that I am just making stuff up. I dont know how to convince them to take me seriously. Lately I have been considering hurting myself badly, just to prove them that I am serious. But It seems ridiculous to me. Hurting myself to gain attention seems stupid and childish… Any idea what is happening? Advice on what I should do?Feel Like Going Insane; I Feel Like I Am Falling to Actual Insanity
Feel Like Going Insane; I Feel Like I Am Falling to Actual Insanity
I agree with you. It would be “ridiculous” to purposefully hurt yourself under any circumstances. Give them this letter. If they read it, it might help to them to appreciate what you’re going through. It could make a difference in how seriously they take your concerns.
Another consideration is meeting with a new set of mental health professionals. Perhaps the ones with whom you are currently working are not the best match for you. Not all therapists will be suitable for all clients. If you have the option of consulting with others, you might try it.
I wondered if you’ve tried talking to your parents. Are they responsive to you? Perhaps they could be your advocates in this matter. It’s worth a try.
You mentioned that one of your treating professionals is a psychiatrist. That would suggest that you are taking medication. Your symptoms might be the result of a problematic drug interaction or negative side effects. Ask your psychiatrist if that is a possibility.
The compulsions, the twitching movements, and so forth, might be indicative of a movement disorder such as tics, Tourette syndrome or a motor stereotypy. I’m not suggesting the you have a movement disorder because it is impossible to provide a diagnosis over the internet but all possibilities should be explored. A neurologist or a specialist who treats movement disorders could determine whether or not a movement disorder diagnosis would be warranted.
I’m sorry that this is happening to you. I would encourage you to continue to ask for help and to be persistent until you get the help you need. Please write again if you have additional questions. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle