I can’t diagnose you either, not on the basis of a letter. But I’m glad you wrote. It does sound like you’ve gotten caught up in obsessive thinking. You are even thinking about your thinking. I don’t know why you landed on mental illness as the topic. It could just as easily be something else. It does sound like one dimension is that you want to be special in some way. I don’t know why you didn’t pick another way to be special than mental illness. If I were seeing you for therapy, that’s one thing we’d talk about.
Rather than seek out a therapist to diagnose you with Aspergers, why not look for a more general evaluation. Go into the evaluation with an open mind. Yes, you could have Aspergers. But you could also have an anxiety disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder, as only a couple of examples. Once a diagnosis is made, the counselor will make recommendations to you and your parents about how best to help you. Treatment, regardless of the label, does work for most of the people most of the time.
Thank you for writing. It’s a really good idea to deal with this kind of situation while you are only 12, instead of letting it get more entrenched.
I wish you well.