My now husband has trust issues, we have had a tumultuous relationship for the last 15 years, have a child, and in the last year we got back together engaged.
Over the course of the last fifteen years we have seen other people however since we have been committed to each other we have both been committed. Tried and true, no reason to doubt one another.
He is obsessed with stalking the one guy I dated Spotify and starting fights or staring me down, giving me guilt trips, regardless of how I insist this is unhealthy and a poor use of his time. He feels like he is being “proactive” in a way and being ready for something…I don’t understand and cannot.
I feel like spending time obsessing over something that is nonexistent is delusional and only going to create an issue, is creating an issue when none exists. I’m really not sure how to move forward or how to encourage him to move forward.
Your husband’s insecurity is likely at the root. I doubt there is anything that you can do that you haven’t already done to ensure your commitment. It is also very likely that his dragging up this issue on a regular basis is his way of preventing a more intimate connection with you. By pulling this issue out of the bag he can keep himself from being fully committed to you.
I would set a very strong boundary about this type of emotional abuse from him. Explain that you won’t tolerate it as it isn’t what you signed up for when you came back, and that if he can’t quit on his own you want to go to couple therapy with him to let a professional help.
This sort of thing tends to come from very insecure men who have jealousy issues that put all of the responsibility on their partner. It is a way of them not dealing with their own need to mature emotionally by belittling. Don’t stand for it.
The find help tab at the top of the page will help you find a therapist in your area and this organization may have some good couple referrals as well.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Relationship/Trust Issues. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/04/04/relationship-trust-issues/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 4 Apr 2018) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.