I don’t really know what to call it because it’s not so much an urge but just something i want to feel. I don’t have any mental illnesses at least not diagnosed professionally and i come from a loving middle-class family. For maybe a year or so now I’ve had the curiosity or want to know the feeling of pure hatred towards me. I want to kill somebody for the sole purpose of watching their family mourn and know that i killed them just to know how that feels. I want to torture somebody although i can’t see myself doing that. It’s almost as if it’s a craving really. I try to just not think about it and maybe it’ll stop but it’s always just kind of their not really strong but always noticeable in the back of my mind. I don’t really know what to do about it or if I need to do something. I’m just looking for some advice about it.The Urge or Curiosity to Kill
The Urge or Curiosity to Kill
It is good that you are attempting to address this issue. You realize that there might be a problem and seem to be open to fixing it, if so. It’s possible that your desire stems from a lack of power and control in your life. People fantasize about things they don’t have. If you had a sufficient level of power and control, you would never fantasize about it because it would be unnecessary.
I have virtually no information about your life and therefore I can only theorize about the potential reasons for your thoughts. It would be advantageous to explore this issue more thoroughly in counseling. You will not shock a therapist with these types of thoughts. They are relatively common but should not be ignored. It’s always good to be proactive when you can. Thank you for your question. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle