It is good that you are attempting to address this issue. You realize that there might be a problem and seem to be open to fixing it, if so. It’s possible that your desire stems from a lack of power and control in your life. People fantasize about things they don’t have. If you had a sufficient level of power and control, you would never fantasize about it because it would be unnecessary.
I have virtually no information about your life and therefore I can only theorize about the potential reasons for your thoughts. It would be advantageous to explore this issue more thoroughly in counseling. You will not shock a therapist with these types of thoughts. They are relatively common but should not be ignored. It’s always good to be proactive when you can. Thank you for your question. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle