We’ve lived together for around 4yrs, known him around 19yrs, and after 2yrs of living w/him, he has seemed slowly to lose interest in me. I can attract the eye of any guy in the room but him. I can cook dinner in a sexy bat girl, school girl, German girl,ect outfit and he doesn’t even notice. Yet first chance he gets he’s online looking at half naked/naked woman. Is our relationship in trouble? Talking just angers him and makes me feel more like he doesn’t care how it makes me feel. I’m not naive enough to think he’d stop looking at other chicks online, I just want him to look at me too. It’s gotten to where I hardly sleep in the same room with him because I hate the way I feel. Our sex life is horrible. He’s always been a slightly selfish lover but now it’s pretty much always a completely selfish lover except for maybe 1 time out of 6 in a 3 moth period, and I stress the maybe. I love him and even though he’s selfish and stingy like an only child can seem to be, I know he loves me as well, other than this issue we get along rather well. We have not ever fought or argued over anything other than this. Honestly every time I try to say something about how it makes me feel, or ask if he could please act like I am someone pretty in his eyes, he clams up,and if I push it or ask how to fix it or what I’m doing wrong, he eventually blows up on me. Never saying he’s sorry for hurting me or making me feel like he is not attracted to me, he says I am in the wrong, he’s a man, what else did I expect, and things of that nature.I don’t know what to do, but I know things cannot continue on this way much longer. My heart hurts, I cry way too much for my taste, and I am losing confidence in me. I’m 37, 5’3 ,and 123 lbs, I know I’m pretty, but at the same time I don’t FEEL pretty anymore. How can I fix this please if there is anything that might help I’d like to hear what it is. Thanks for your time. (From the USA)
Yes, your relationship is in trouble. Let’s review what you’ve said. He would rather look at strangers on the internet than pay attention to you. When you go to talk to him about how this makes you feel the best he can do is get angry. You don’t enjoy sleeping in the same room with him because of how he makes you feel. He isn’t a good lover, is stingy, and can’t handle an intimate discussion about the relationship. His only excuse for all of this is that he is a man.
In short, here is someone who couldn’t care less about your feelings of being satisfied in the relationship, you suffer emotionally from his lack of responsiveness, and he has no desire, plan, or willingness to change. Time to move on.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Loss of Interest. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 27, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/03/30/loss-of-interest/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.