Your symptoms indicate that something may be wrong. You mentioned guilt. You should only feel guilty if you did something wrong. There’s nothing in your letter that suggests that your feelings of guilt are warranted.
You might also be describing paranoia, among other symptoms, which seem to be causing distress. An evaluation is necessary to determine what’s wrong and which treatment can help.
You asked what you should do to “cure yourself.” Inherent in your question is the idea that it is easy to “cure yourself” and that you should be able to do it. These are common beliefs, among many people, in our culture — the idea that anyone, without any professional training whatsoever, should be able to cure their own psychological problems.
People don’t think that way about medical conditions. I never hear anyone putting themselves down because they can’t cure their own cancer or remove their own gallbladders or perform their own root canals. No one expects a layperson to cure their own medical problems yet many people believe that they should be able to cure their own psychological problems.
There’s a great deal of training involved in becoming a mental health professional. They must earn a minimum of a Master’s degree and be licensed in order to practice in their respective states. The idea that you should know how to cure yourself, without any requisite training, is a faulty one.
I would recommend consulting a mental health professional. They will know how to help you. All of the symptoms that you have described are treatable with counseling and, in some cases, medication. Ask your parents to assist you in finding a mental health practitioner in your community. Your parents could ask your pediatrician or primary care physician for a referral.
If you feel that you might harm yourself, contact emergency services. You can do that in multiple ways including calling 911, going to the local hospital, or calling or texting the national suicide hotline. The phone number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. The crisis text line information is the following: text HOME to 741741 in the United States. They will know how to protect you.
Dr. Kristina Randle