From the U.S.: I had been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 14 months; we don’t live together. We both have anxiety issues, but I also suffer from chronic depression. She comes from a very strict family that’s also severely neat.
She has some serious breakdowns, generally once a month. She gets upset about money, her family, her job, and me. They last anywhere from 1-3 hours, and I sit there with her and listen and try to calm her down by acknowledging her stress and holding her. She gets upset if I am too tired or mentally drained to listen to her every night after we are done with work. I’m always afraid I will do something that will upset her.
Example: I have a problem keeping my house clean. I tend to get overwhelmed and depressed whenever there are dishes to clean, or clothes to pick up. One day she broke down into tears because I had left out a plastic container on my table. She said I “always blame my depression for why I don’t clean”; and that she “can’t handle clutter, it’s not fair to her”; when my house is dirty. She even moved things around without asking me while I was away and gave her the key to my house! She then berated me and said she felt she had to do all the work around my own home. I was very upset because I never asked her to touch anything, and I felt like she was treating me like a child with no respect.
I got very ill at a bar we went to (I cannot have gluten in alcohol), the bartender accidentally gave me a drink mixed with some. I got drunk and a man harassed me at the bar sitting next to me. I ended up having to go to the ER. A week later she cried and said I was cheating on her by talking to that man, and she insisted I poisoned myself on purpose “to make her feel bad and get her attention”! I was speechless. I couldn’t believe she thought I would do something so awful on purpose! She always sees things as an attack on her, and she broke up with me.
How do I tell her she is hurting me by coming up with outrageous accusations? She only sees things from her point of view.