Thank you for writing. This all sounds very painful. I’m glad you reached out.
I can’t give you a diagnosis on the basis of a letter. But I can tell you that what you are describing is difficult to sort out. It is normal for a 16 year old to be over-concerned with relationships. It is not unusual for a 16 year old to not yet have had a romantic relationship. It is normal for teens to have moods that are all over the place. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t a painful period of life for many kids. It does mean that we shouldn’t be quick to assign a mental illness diagnosis to something that may be equally attributed to life stage, physical stage, and/or lack of information and experience.
For that reason, I always recommend to teens like yourself that they first visit their medical doctor for a complete physical evaluation. There are hormonal shifts that occur at your age that can make mood unstable. Be sure that you take a sleep and nutrition diary with you to your appointment. A sleep disorder can also cause instability.
If you are physically fine, then make an appointment with a mental health counselor for a complete and thorough evaluation. The counselor can do what I can’t — hear your entire story. She will then make recommendations about what to do to take more charge of making your life and your relationships happier.
You are more in control than you maybe you are willing to acknowledge. Yes, you throw away your temper at times but you also draw a line somehow between some self-harming behaviors and suicidal behaviors.
You already know that avoiding your pain by smoking tobacco or weed or drinking alcohol isn’t going to make things better. What is far more likely to be helpful is to make those appointments. You deserve the practical help and support that professionals can provide.
I wish you well.