Home » Ask the Therapist » Relationships » Sexuality » Confused About Sexuality Because of Past Events

Confused About Sexuality Because of Past Events

Asked by on with 1 answer:

Okay, to give a little backstory when I was 10 until 12 years old I had a friend who was three years older than me of the same gender and when I was at their house they would kiss me and touch me in ways I really did not like, she would also get me to take off my clothes. She would also bully me and exclude me in class. She would also tell me that I was a lesbian and another boy would also tell me this as well. It really hasn’t had much of an effect of me (I haven’t talked to any adult about it) but I have come to the conclusion now that I’m gay, but I don’t know if I just think I am because of this and it’s just my reaction to it or if I actually am. I know only I can know for definitely but from a professional’s point of view is it possible that I just think I am?

Confused About Sexuality Because of Past Events

Answered by on -


Modern scientists generally believe that homosexuality is not a choice. Many studies support the idea that people are born gay or straight. Horrific attempts have been made to change a person’s sexual orientation by purveyors of conversion therapy attempting to “cure” homosexuality. Those conversions did not work and caused a great deal of trauma. Conversion therapy has been discredited by prominent and legitimate medical and mental health organizations including the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, among others. They have all deemed it dangerous and ineffective.

You said yourself that the experience “hasn’t had much an effect on me.” That is probably true as it did not change your sexual orientation. It was an unpleasant and abusive experience undoubtedly, but life events can’t change your sexual orientation.

Confusion over sexual identify is often a feature of youth. Developmentally, it is normal to wonder about one’s sexuality at this stage in your life. The teen years are full of confusion and doubt. It might be helpful to discuss these issues with a counselor. Therapy is a safe place to explore issues of sexuality. Good luck and please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Confused About Sexuality Because of Past Events

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Confused About Sexuality Because of Past Events. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 25 Mar 2018)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.