From a teen in Germany: My loving and sweet boyfriend of 6 months happens to like a specific body type. on my request he’s shown me multiple times what that body he is attracted to looks like and I noticed that no matter if it’s a person in real life, a photograph or a drawing, all the figures look the same or very similar, while I don’t look anything like it.
I’ll show him some photos of women that have a similar body to me and he won’t say anything but once I show him a pic of a body he would usually find attractive he’ll say something like “wow that looks sexy”. it’s just so very obvious that he prefers a body that happens to look nothing like mine and while he claims he thinks I’m sexy, he proves it over again how attracted he is to this body type that I don’t have. it makes me feel ugly and not sexy. I had accepted my body the way it was before I met him and now I constantly feel insecure.
Why are you torturing yourself by constantly testing your boyfriend? He may have fantasies about women with a body type that is different from yours, but he has chosen you. He didn’t have to. He thinks you are sexy. He isn’t “making” you feel ugly. You are doing it to yourself by not taking him at his word that he loves you as you are.
My guess is that he has discovered that your other assets are far more important than his fantasy of the ideal body. My best advice is to enjoy your relationship with a man you describe as loving and sweet and stop comparing yourself to his fantasy image. Go back to accepting your own body and celebrate it for carrying around a heart and personality and mind that is attractive to your boyfriend.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
My Boyfriend Makes Me Feel Ugly
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Boyfriend Makes Me Feel Ugly. Psych Central.
Retrieved on July 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/03/23/my-boyfriend-makes-me-feel-ugly/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.