Being touched by older men when you were a child is something that is likely to have generated a reaction. It sounds like that was the beginning of an older-younger encounter, and the fact you are feeling these attractions may have a link back to that. While I honor your statement that you don’t think it does, I would also say it is worth exploring. The fact that you are noticing this reaction, not feeling comfortable with it, and wrote us here about it is worth taking to the next level to talk about with a therapist. Sorting this through with someone who can help unravel this with you is the right way to go. The “Find Help” tab at the top of the page can help you find someone in your area.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral